Invincible Iron Man Issue #8

When last we left Tony Stark he was at the end of Secret Invasion, his whole life flipped upside down by Norman Osborn who yanked the rug of power from underneath an unprepared Tony, blaming him for the Alien Invasion and the myriad of other things that had gone wrong since the Civil War. That and his company had been brutally assaulted by the crazy child of Obediah Stane, with another great biblical name, Ezekiel.

Tony had a fun little romp with Spidey, before the invasion, and with his company in shambles from one of E. Stane's attacks, Tony was left to pick up the pieces of Stark Industries.

Invincible Iron Man Issue 8

"This is the way the end of the world begins..." Our opening narration.

Maria Hill packs up her desk and there's a bit of narration about her and her work at SHIELD, she packs up a picture of her and Nick Fury with I think what's supposed to be Dum Dum Dugan in the background (and I know we're into terrible art) as a man scrapes her name off the door. Former colleagues and SHIELD (now H.A.M.M.E.R.) agents laugh and take pictures on their phone of the disgraced Hill who leaves the premises with her head held high. I actually kind of feel bad for Hill, don't hate me for her growing on me.

Her narration ends with page with "It's guys like Walsh--" who I assume is the ugly guy taking phone pictures of her leaving. "that made this a lousy place to work..."

Narration continues on the next page with the heading H.A.M.M.E.R. Shipbreaking Facility, Chelsea Piers: and Iron Man showing up on the scene.

"..And it was guys like Tony Stark that kept me coming back."

Narration changes out of Hill's perspective: "People are resilient all over. Pushing them down only ever serves to make them stand up even stronger... to put aside all the crap... and get back to work. One day soon this'll just be another Tuesday."

Next page the narration continues: "At least that's what Tony Stark tells himself as he slices the sky over the salvage sight below. The world's foremost futurist is overwhelmed by the scale. The scale of the ruined helicarrier, the scale of the carnage unleashed on his city, the scale of the reconstruction effort to rebuild it... and the scale of his failure.. I should seen it coming..."

"I should have seen it coming."

Tony lands in the Iron Man suit, ready to assist the now HAMMER workers with their clearly displayed hammer patches. They really aren't thrilled to have him there but send him off to do some heavy lifting, but Tony is happy to help even as he inner monologues that he's privy to their distaste for his presence. They want his help, but they don't want him. They don't want him around cleaning up the mess... or, he says, his mess. Iron Man carries some big chunks of structural debris as he narrates to catch up the reader on the state of Stark after the events of the Secret Invasion.

"And to be perfectly honest, I'm not terribly capable at the moment of doing much else in the armor. When all the Stark Technology was attacked during the Invasion and failed, the Extremis conduit that linked me to the suit failed too. Trying to operate this suit without Extremis is like trying to fly six stealth bombers at once. And between the invasion and Stane's raids on Stark Industries I haven't had time--or the facilities-- to engineer and fabricate a new suit--dammit--"

In non-Tony speak, this means Extremis is now no longer a factor in his abilities and his suit is hard to operate. For those playing the home game, Tony's obsolete.

The suit malfunctions as these things do, causing Tony, the suit and the debris he's carrying into the ocean. When he resurfaces his narration gives us a little taste of the Stark Snark:

"...I actually can't conceive of a way for this to get any worse."

Tony is promptly proven wrong when a crumpled soda can bounces off his helmet with the words "You moron." being yelled from off the page.

On the next page we learn the source is Angry HAMMER Construction Guy, he proceeds to call Tony an idiot and tells him to get the hell out of there because he almost got everyone killed. He doesn't care who Tony used to be because AHCG wants him off the damn site. Oh, and Tony should be arrested. AHCG needs to take a Prozac because from what I saw, Tony nearly killed himself... no one else appeared to be in any immediate danger.

We get some more of Tony's narration: "Look at them. The faces of the people I used to protect. Contempt, embarrassment, distrust. Believe me, pal... I'll be gone soon
enough."

Don don dooooon...

Back at base we get a little taste of Pepper Potts, who is slowly becoming super Pepper. Again for those who haven't been playing the home game, Pepper was in one of Stane's explosions and suffered... shrapnel injuries, stop me if you've heard this one before, and needed to be fit with a repulsormagnet in her chest to save her life. She's relaxing back in what looks like Tony Stark's dentist chair, if he were a crazy dentist from a B-Horror flick.

And she's wearing a shiny silver body suit. With knee pads. Why? I'm not entirely sure.

Narration: Pepper Potts wonders... where is the line drawn? Between man and machine? Where does her humanity end? Her body is changing in ways that startle and surprise her." It's called pubert--oh wait...

"She doesn't even need the glasses anymore but she wears them out of habit. She can feel her eyes correct against them every time she puts them on."

Pepper asks, in narration: "How much else of me is changing?" Are you there God? It's me, Pepper.

Fraction's Judy Bloom moment is over because in comes Tony, drawn as if he was somehow made into a Mexican Josh Holloway. Larroca's art is going to be a big detriment to this story, but we'll make due. He's in a tank top and what look like sweat pants, because he's so classy, drying his hair post dip in the ocean. He apologizes for being late and tells her that he had a little swim, in which we get some Pepper/Tony banter which I love so very much.

Tony: "I crashed the Iron Man into the drink today's been great. How're you?"

Pepper: "Well I'm hooked up to a giant thingy. So, I've got that going for me. Which is nice." (Pay attention this phrase will be used again in a later issue.)

Tony: "Indeed you are and indeed you do."

He asks her if she's ready for an upgrade, she's not sure to what but she's game because I don't really think Pepper has a choice in the matter.

We find out on the next page, where Tony does some adjusting to Pepper's reactor which gives her a little bit of a jolt. It makes her feel amazing apparently, if her narration is any indication. Tony talks to her about how he misses the Extremis and well, of course he does, and talks about how once he's done with her today she'll be living on the bleeding edge like he once was. Which is good, since they won't have access to his labs much longer, you know... what with being usurped and all . Apparently her awesome repulsomagnetic tech is speeding up her metabolism, making her core strength stronger giving her better reaction time and reflexes and raising her IQ 25 or 30 points. So see, Super Pepper is born in a lab... oh my god, he's making her Captain America. Stop it, Tony.

Pepper: "Tony Stark. Are you transforming me into your dream girl?"

On the next page we get Tony's reply and the rest of this amazing exchange (seriously, I think it's amazing).

Tony: "Actually my dream girls at the moment are a gaggle of Icelandic flight attendants I met snowboarding."

He points to their picture on the screen where he should be running the schematics of Pepper's upgrade.

Tony: "Triplets. Their parents owned a yoga studio, if you can believe it."

Pepper: "I'm a little disturbed that in the middle of a complicated biotech procedure, you've got your own Girls Gone Wild slideshow so readily available. In fact, I think it's wildly inappropriate."

Tony: "Oh, come on, Pepper. You know you were always my dream girl."

Pepper: "..."

Millions of Pepper/Tony shippers out there squeal with delight while everyone else feels the discomfort of Fraction possibly hooking them up in the future. I remain optimistic that he's smarter than that, and this banter is just sweet and an example of how close the two of them are in their friendship.

Pepper changes the subject to how Tony will handle being tossed out of his job and home and replaced with Osborn. Her questions lead us into the next page where...

Tony stands in what was his office but is now Osborn's in what was once his home but is now Osborn's home. Talk about awkward, this is where there should be an uncomfortable collar pull. Osborn has his own version of Pepper, whose name is Ms. Hand. Which is weird and slightly unfortunate for her. Osborn is also apparently a snake now in the most literal of senses, since when Tony arrives he says Sssstark in what I only imagine is some sort of sleazy hissing.

For those playing the home game, we recently learned the history (via the Uncanny X-Men Annual #2 or as I call it, Emma Frost Will Fuck Anything) of why Osborn has such disdain for Tony. Once upon a time when Tony was new to the world of being a CEO Obsorn and himself had a little encounter at the Hellfire Club. While Tony flirted with everyone, including the White Queen Emma Frost, he spilled champagne on Osborn, who squealed like a bitch and then proceeded to leave. Apparently, making Norman Osborn have cause to send a suit to the dry cleaner is bad fucking form. It is also cause to ruin someone's life, which is why in this case Tony has been so screwed.

Tony (of course) can't help himself from checking out Ms Hand's assets as she exits the office, before having a conversation with Osborn about how he's about to leave. Tony can't really stomach the forced pleasantries for long, and eighty sixes it. All this over some spilled sauce, eh Tones? If only you'd hit AA sooner...

Tony: "Oh come off it, Norman, you and I both know--"

Obsorn: Ah-ah-ah.

Continued on the next page:

Osborn: "Don't. Don't come near me. Because if you come any closer... any closer at all..." The art in this next panel is where Osborn puts on his HOMICIDAL MANIAC face. "...I might just be tempted to break your neck. You traitorous scum."

Tony isn't really threatened, he's actually kind of annoyed. I mean, I would be too. Champagne doesn't stain. Not really, it's a clear beverage.

Tony: "Traitorous? Wow. Okay, boss. As you wish."

Osborn: "You have turned over all H.A.M.M.E.R. property, and removed all of your personal effects, yes?"

Tony: "Yes. When I leave I'm gone. Everything that's mine will be gone too."

Osborn: "And you'll take nothing that belongs to me."

Oh Osborn, you're really a big child aren't you? You take your toys and leave mine alone.

Tony: "To H.A.M.M.E.R. you mean. I belongs to H.A.M.M.E.R. not you."

I'll sum up the rest. Osborn dismisses Tony's correction as "semantics" and inquires about the database, in which Tony asks what database. The Superhuman Registration database which Osborn thinks he now deserves access to. Tony, is not so down with that and replies to him that it is not a personal file-o-fax that he can browse at his leisure. He needs warrants, probable cause and a federal judge... but he's cut off by Osborn saying commander.

Apparently, Obsorn is now a commander and Tony is just done with this. Which is good because he's being the bigger man and walking away before this turns into something bigger. He leaves Osborn with these words.

Tony: "You don't get to go flipping through the database any more than you get to seize some one's cell phone records or decide to call yourself commander." Oh burn, Tony. "Good luck running the world, Osborn. Don't squeeze too tight too fast or all the good parts will dribble out right between your fingers. I'll show myself out."

I actually think this is a pretty good moment, as if Tony's almost speaking from experience. I recall back in Invincible Iron Man 7 when Peter wished him luck in running the world. Tony knows what it's like to have it all, to "run the world" and I think he feels that that might be where he failed. He squeezed too hard and too fast and he lost the good parts.

The next page shows us the exit scan process of Tony, Hill and I assume Pepper since we see the reactor magnet thing in the chest of her skeletal frame. It looks like it's a rather dehumanizing process, which is no surprise since Osborn's running the show now.

We now get to see Maria Hill again. I will say this now before we go any further, I neither hate nor love Maria Hill. I will be unbiased in regards to her because that's what a good recapper does. She's growing on me, I'll admit so don't get mad at me if I provide any insights that might sympathize with her or try to understand her. You've been disclaimered.

Tony's getting into a red Lamborghini that flies. Why do I know it's a flying Lamborghini? It has Delorian doors. Maria Hill is following suit. They have the following conversation (reproduced it its entirety)

Maria; "That was the most humiliating thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. And I had to work as your subordinate."

Tony: "Hill, please-- Imagine how mortified I was. Every day, having to use small words around you, to speak slowly, to prepare all those flash cards so you'd not forget your duties- get in--"

Maria: "Erm"

Tony: "Anyway, best not to think about it yes? Time to put this nightmare behind us."

Maria: "If you say so."

Tony: "I say so. Cheer up, Hill. Today's the first day of the rest of our careers."

The car takes to the air.

Maria: "What the hell does that even mean?"

Tony: "For the first time in my life... I have no idea."

See? That was important. Tony is always a man with a plan, a futurist who knew the next three moves in advance. The fact that he's now clueless as to what to do next is a big deal for him. A big, damn deal.

The next page has Osborn dismissing Hand's service for the night. Wow, that sounded vaguely sexual. I now learn I cannot refer to her as simply Hand. Ms Hand is done with her job for the night. Still doesn't work. Well, damn. Oh well. Osborn is now alone and begins trying to access the Superhuman Registration Database, or for my own sanity, SHRD. He searches Spider-Man (of course). Nothing. Perturbed, he tries Ms. Marvel. Nada enchilada. Dammit, he's angry now. Ronin. Nope. Daredevil. Sorry. Iron Man: Tony Stark That's all he gets. He is not a happy super-villain.

In comes Ms Hand and she has a tag along named Agent Perry who explains the following information to Woobie Osborn.

As the database was initiated it triggered a virus or kill code, they aren't sure yet at this point, but to the best of their knowledge it took out all of H.A.M.M.E.R.'s systems (oh snap) from the diagnostics to the central control servers and the Intel mainframes. As is always the case with these things, there is good news and bad news. Good news is that they didn't lose any personnel-critical systems no planes crashed or anything, so it was what Y2K promised to be. However, the bad news is that anything that ran on any kind of code is toast.

Home game time: No more database. Oops.

Osborn: "Of course you know, this means war."

At Funtime, Inc... I don't really know what that is...

I'll sum this up, while funny it's not really plot necessary. Tony, Pepper and Maria are eating Chinese and discussing Eichmann the designer of the Holocaust and how usually when events that bad happen it's because people were just following orders. How he was a high school drop out who was just doing his job, he wasn't insane or anything along those lines. Power gets abused and it's rare that it's a big villain who does the abusing. Pepper mentions:

"Real evil just happens and real people sometimes just let it. People just follow orders. Just obey the law. In spite of how wrong those laws might be."

I'm sensing a dig at Tony here, well done Super Potts.

Tony catches on too, he's a smart one. His reply is:

"Trust me, the irony doesn't escape, okay? My point is--in Norman Osborn--we don't have a bunch of dropouts or failures calling the shots. We've actually got a real, dyed-in-the-wool, mustache-twirling looney toon running the show." LOL Tones.

It is now that it dawns on Maria that Osborn has access to the SHRD. Well, Maria. You've worked for Ol' Tony Stark long enough to know he's not dumb enough to leave that kind of thing just lying around.

Since this is the final part, and will be an important set up to the rest of the plot of this arc from here on in, I'm going to write it all out for you so that you know. No paraphrasing here kids because this is the important stuff. Ready? And... go time.

Tony: "Well now, that's why we're all here. There's good news and there's bad news." See, Tony knows these things too. That's why he's Tony Fucking Stark. "There's only one copy of the database and I'll do my best to make sure Norman doesn't get his hands on it. The bad news is I have to erase it permanently. Oh, and I might have set up a virus to screw with every computer H.A.M.M.E.R. might have been using. They weren't Stark Machines, so it's not like I needed them as a client. Anyway. A little going away present."

Pepper: "Tony, of all the juvenile--"

Maria: Wait, hang on-- why is it bad news to have to erase the database? Erase it,boom, problem solved."

Tony: "First, Pepper, yes it was juvenile, but two, it was only designed to trigger once a phony database was opened from Osborn's account. So, he was breaking the law, or trying to. And second...I need to tell you a little bit about Extremis first."

For those playing the home game, take note about the Extremis here because if you had some questions, this will be a little more insight for you on to how it works.

Tony: "The Extremis process hacked my biological systems the way a kid hacks an operating system. I was changed. Extremis changed me. I was upgraded. My mind was upgraded so I could pilot the damn suit. I gained access to something like 72% of my brain at all times."

Pepper is wise to this game. She doesn't like where it's going.

Pepper: "Tony--where is the database?"

The final page has the first panel with Tony smirking and the Iron Man helmet in the foreground. If the art were better this would be a cool picture. The next panel has Tony in profile, his fore and middle fingers shaped like a gun and the tips placed on his forehead, thumb in the air.

Tony: "Ta-daaaaaaa."

Pepper: "Ah, dammit Tony--"

Tony has a rather pleased smirk on his face. Pepper is not amused. Neither is Maria. Can you blame them? I don't think they have to be geniuses to know where this is going to go. And really, neither do we.

Maria: "What's the plan then? What does Osborn do when he realizes you ran away with his database?"

Tony: "He'll declare war. Then he'll kill us all."

Continued in Invincible Iron Man #9